Thursday, May 26, 2011

Information gathering...

Right now I'm trying to breath and feel my breath in my body. I am in an information gather phase. I don't have answers to anything right now or I have partial answers but not enough to make decisions.

On the dyslexia testing front, Everett completed his 2 days of testing and proved to the tester that having a large vocabulary does not preclude one from having dyslexia. ;) She was surprised that he knew the word sabotage. I'm guessing she didn't use the word I'm guessing he told her in his lovely way that he had chosen not to sabotage the test results. By choosing to not sabotage the results he earned a stop watch from the tester and a $50 gift card to Target from his mother. Which translates to $12.50/hr pay rate I realize but I felt it really was hard work and he did earn it. So specifically how to help him read is not going to happen yet.
The Boy telling me how something works.

On the medical front, I have to get out patient surgery scheduled for a D&C. It will be done under anesthesia (side note the boy heard amnesia and wanted to know how much I was going to forget, yeah his vocabulary is rather large for an 8 year old.) but I should be fine the next day. Probably don't want to plan a camping trip that leaves the next day but I should be fine to putter in the garden and yell at the boy. ;) I have no idea how much this is going to cost me and won't get to know until it is actually scheduled since it depends on where the procedure will take place as to how much it will cost. I'm also very glad I didn't look at Kaiser's information on Endometrial Hyperplasia first. The info I found through Googlefu said that what I'm looking at is not pre-cancerous but instead kind of pre-pre-cancerous and can be treated with hormones and may never progress to cancer. What Kaiser's site says is it is endometrial cancer and what to expect after cancer treatment. The D&C will rule out that there is any of the pre-cancerous cells or cancerous cells. I will continue to believe that this is going to rule it out and not find something worse.

ETA: I now have a date for the procedure July 21st, so forever in the future. Heh.

So I'm practicing breathing, I'm looking forward to camping this weekend and getting to see the Sand Dunes with my boy. I'm going to prepare food and pack food for our weekend today. I going to be much happier once the 'haze' has burned off today and the sun makes its appearance (which it will damn it!) I'm going to enjoy my iris that have now bloomed

My Iris, they make me so happy, even if I am only getting 3 stems this year due to thinning.

Here is another picture of The Boy, my heart, and why my life is truly wonderful.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Exhaustion, in many forms

I'm feeling worn to a nub, as though I have nothing left to give or contribute in so many places in my life.

First I'm so worried about my boy and reading. Partly because I really want him to enjoy the worlds that are opened to one with fiction, be it graphic novels, science fiction, fantasy, mysteries, or literature. I saw this poster by Mary GrandPre (Artist for the American Harry Potter books) and it just reminds me so much of how books take me away, let me live another life. Partly because I really do get that it is really, really hard to get around the world without the ability to read. Partly also because my husband keeps reminding me that he is 'functionally illiterate' and I feel like a complete failure every time I hear him say it out loud.

Second, I'm dealing with 'female problems' (David this is the paragraph to skip) I have 'endometrial hyperplasia w/o atypia' Basically my endometrium grows too much but it isn't pre-cancerous just a hormone imbalance that needs to be put back into balance. I went to have an ultrasound today and it was emotionally exhausting. The last time I had an ultrasound was when I found out my last pregnancy was no longer viable. Add to it that this stuff is all perimenopause stuff and it just points out that my baby days are well and truly behind me. It hurt more than I thought it would hurts more than I thought it would.

Third my husband was gone for 9 days and he will have more travel this summer for work. It is so exhausting to be the only parent and teacher for that long. He does not travel much and so when he does it throws us all off. So there was more fighting and arguing between me and my boy, we did finally find a balance for the last couple of days but it was a hard won peace.

Fourth I now have a dog, a dog that is defacto mine, and I never, ever in my life wanted a dog. She is sweet but she is still a puppy and has decided that the house training she knew is gone. I HATE that my house now smells like dog pee and that I find dog poop around the house, cause that smells even worse.

I know my life is good, I know that we are working on finding ways to teach my boy to read, and that I will be able to slow the bleeding and have a more normal life without having to have a hysterectomy. I'm going to get alone time. I'm going to find a balance in my life again I just need to work on it.

If you would like to see the rest of the posters made for the Scholastic Read Every Day Lead a Better Life campaign you can see it here...Scholastic: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"